Married Life

That's right hoes. I am a married woman...! The wedding was absolutely amazing. Definitely the best party I've ever thrown and will ever attend. Strangely, I wasn't the least bit panicked throughout the day which is huge considering I used to have panic attacks and here I was about to get married and not once did I panic. I'm not lying though, I had to hold back the tears because I definitely didn't want to be one of those weepy brides, so I managed to hold it together that day (EXCEPT when one of my dear bridesmaids took both me and my husband aside to tell us her speech which was super touching and made me tear up).

For those curious of how it went, here's a miniclip of our wedding a couple weeks ago!

Anyway, married life is awesome. I feel a lot more comfortable as a couple now that we're married. Probably because I don't have wedding things nagging me at the back of my mind, like wondering if the violinist will get back to me or if the gifts for the guests are sufficiently padded so that they won't break (we got them mugs with our names on it underneath a claddagh ring). Everything worked out in the end, nothing fell through and everyone had a wonderful time. The staff at Sunnybrook Estates were amazing and there's no way I could be happier with anyone other than my dear husband, my loving and crazy Mory who stalked me in high school :)

Countdown

There's a good reason why some Apocalypse didn't happen, despite the fact that a bunch of gringos were all like "Ermagherd, Mayans predict the end of the world!" or putting my people down and being all like, "Ermagherd, Mayans were stupid and didn't really know anything" and all that other gringo bullshit. Seeing as I am part Mayan, I delved into my roots, learned about my people's religion, built a pyramid in my backyard and made a heart sacrifice to the Sun god to ensure that the passing into the New Year (yes, technically speaking, it was New Year's for us) would be easy and fruitful. 

Interestingly enough, as I was making the sacrifice, the God of Corn appeared to me and was like, "Girl, you gettin' married in a matter of weeks."

And I was like, "Yeah I am!"

Then the God of Corn goes, "Don't you know? If an end of the world is coming, there's no way we'd let it happen before your wedding! Not to say that it really is the end of the world, because for our people, it's just the end of a cycle and the start of another one."

"Like New Year's?"

"Hells yes, like New Years!"

"So you mean I ain't gotta make a sacrifice or nothin'?"

"Nah, homes, it's all good. But seeing as you already have a heart in your hands, I'll just take it and bless your home with abundance of food, and call it even."

So that's that.

In other news, I'm kind of running around crazy with the wedding coming up. I still haven't confirmed a wedding bouquet and the violinist is hard to get a hold of, so I'm thinking as a way to improvise, I'm just going to get together a random mish-mash of flowers from the grocery store and put the songs for the wedding march onto an iPod or something and have someone push play. 

I'm not mad about it. I think it adds more personality to the ceremony. After all, things aren't going to go perfectly, I don't expect them to go perfectly and if it means saving some money along the way, I am all for it. 

Worst comes to worst, I'll hum the song while holding a couple hor d'oeuvres. It'll make for a funny story and a fantastic wedding video.

White Wedding

Finding a good wedding dress is probably the most frustrating thing I have ever experienced in my life. That includes having worked a 6-hour shift on Boxing Day in Yorkdale Mall. That also includes being the only person in a classroom (BEFORE I even became a registered ECE) who knew the Heimlich manoeuver when a child was choking while about a dozen other children were running around like mad.

Yep. It's more frustrating than that.

But I'm going to be honest, here. I'm cheap as fuck. Paying over $500 makes me cringe because that doesn't include alterations, veil, shoes, hair and all that other annoying crap. Sure, there are quite a lot of dresses out there that go for under $500, but NONE of them are a size 0. 

Sure, most ladies complain about not being able to fit into a size 6 when they're really a size 8. Oh no. Not me.

In fact, a couple weeks ago I went to David's Bridal.

"And what are you looking for?" Asked the lady at the counter.

"A dress," I responded, confused with the question, but figuring that it was standard procedure.

"What kind of dress?"

Are you shitting me? What kind of dress? WHAT OTHER KIND OF FUCKING DRESS WOULD I POSSIBLY BE LOOKING FOR?

But then I noticed the sign for Prom dresses. 

Of course. She must've thought I was one of those high school girls looking for a super fancy Prom dress. I couldn't really blame her. Though I'm 24, most people peg me for 19. I always get carded at bars and at the LCBO.

So I explained to her that I was looking for a wedding dress, that I already knew the style I had in mind; she gave me the catalogue and some stickies to mark which ones I liked and told me that a consultant would be with me shortly.

I'd tell the whole story, but it'd take too long and it's just about as frustrating as the other time I went wedding dress shopping. 

My point is that it's irritating as fuck. Everything is too big, everything is too expensive, dresses nowadays are either bead-crazy crumpled up grandma curtains or short dresses that cover about as much as a towel.

I'm seriously considering getting my dress made for me, but Lord knows how much that's going to cost.

Maybe I could just wear a toga.

Dance Like SOCAN's Watching

Now I’ve been doing my research for venues with relative consistency since getting engaged as there have been other things going on, i.e. school, but the thing I keep running into is SOCAN.

At first, I had no idea why these venues were suddenly listing SOCAN fees in their “Rates” section in regards to music. Since when did people have to pay to play some Biggie Smalls and Pachelbel at their weddings? Can’t I just pop in a CD so I can pop my booty in peace?

Apparently not.

SOCAN, short for Society of Composers, Authors and Music Publishers Canada, wants some of that paper because "music creators are entitled to collect their licence fees". 

Okay. I get it. They created the music and they chose to share it with the world…for a price. Fine, whatever, that’s their livelihood. Pretty annoying since I feel that music belongs to everyone, but since Napster in the 90’s, musicians have become anal about the whole thing so might as well give them their pacifier…I mean money.

But it gets worse. 

Not only do you have to pay the SOCAN fee for playing whatever mish-mash of songs you want at your wedding, but you also have to pay a fee if you, or anyone else at the party, has the audacity to dance to it.

That’s right. You have to pay a fee in order to dance. 

At your own wedding. 

It’s kind of like going to the club, except your family is there, it’s more expensive and there’s less chance that some random drunk guy will grope you at some point in the night…at least when you’re the bride.

But I digress, because honestly, this is some Third Reich shit. 

Dance has existed probably before any distinct, official spoken language ever came into focus. If anything, spoken language evolved from dance, given that non-verbal communication is ingrained in our DNA. Every single living being moves –even plants have demonstrated the ability to turn in whichever direction provides the most sunlight –and yet there is a law that has stamped a price on the natural inclination to dance.

The absurdity of it all genuinely renders me speechless.

Unfortunately, most venues include SOCAN fees in their rental price, so I can’t be all rebellious about it and not pay. Though I’m very much the kind of person who’d probably get arrested (or at the very least fined) at their own wedding, I’d rather it didn’t happen.

It’s one of those getting married things I’m going to have to put up with. Like wearing heels *shudder*.